it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
