did you get engaged???
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
