he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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