The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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