Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
