scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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