I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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