oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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