hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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