New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I deserve to be covered in dicks
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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