He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We're too hungover to prance.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
