Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
