thus making me awesome and them whores
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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