Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
