I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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