You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
