I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
