I can tuck mytits in my pants
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
one might say we're banned from that church
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
