oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
