yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You're a waste of cheezeits
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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