I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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