i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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