apparently the secret to your success is patron
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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