How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
