mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
