Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
