why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
