rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
