HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
