We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
