drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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