I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
