hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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