my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
