i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
