It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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