a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
