Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
