: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
