thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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