My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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