he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
