Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
