I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
