operation harelip BJ is a go
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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