if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
