hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
