butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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