I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
