It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
