your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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