I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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